What I Want

The truth is, I don't know what I want.

I was sitting here reading my pastor's wife's blogs and I got to thinking about World Harvest and my life there and how everything used to be and how so much has changed.

I love my life now. 2008 has been both a great and a very trying year for me. There is still almost a month left so I never know how it will end.

What I do know is that 2009 is going to be a phenomenal year. I am going to make some major changes. Once I get my heart unwrapped from Trump, I am NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER going there emotionally, mentally and certainly not physically with any guy again -- until perhaps there is a shining diamond on my left hand. It's just not worth it.

As far as guys are concerned, this is the worst year of my life. It started out with me still head over heels for Jason May. Then I was playing around with Tai and God told me to leave him alone. And I learned how to get my heart broken by someone who doesn't even really have my heart. Then I met Trump. And, well, we'll see how that ends but so far not good. Then I met Sam and James and the Caribbean not to mention some of the random guys thrown in that never really stuck. All three were the product of a girl who doesn't listen to her instincts, but will give someone the benefit of the doubt if they're nice and cute enough.

I do know one thing: I must be friends with a guy first AND no more Alphas that's for sure.

This has been a year of great academic and career-wise triumphs yet devastating relationship losses. I've never really been able to conquer the affairs of the heart. But that's okay because that just means that I haven't found "the one" which is fine with me for right now.

Plus, in the state I am in, I am bound to have lack-luster crushes. My man choices this year read like they would have before I became a Christian. Clearly, they were doomed from the start which is unfortunate because these are some pretty great guys, even Trump...especially Trump.

But in 2009, I am not doing that anymore. I am finding a guy who is on the same page as I am. I am finding someone who likes me, whom I like, is cute, tall, a few years older than I am, lean, handsome, ambitious and a Christian. Someone who knows what is going on in the world. Someone I get along with. Someone who knows how to pick up the phone. Someone who is content with me and doesn't insist on variety. Someone who "gets" me. Someone whom I get also.

Considering my track record, it seems unlikely that I will find this person, but I will. All I need is one person right? Is anything too hard for God? Nope.

Wow. Reading Miss Joni's blog really brought me back. As Nelson Mandela once said, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to see the ways you, yourself have altered."

I have changed. For better and for worse and from now on, I am making better choices. With God's help, I can have success in all areas of my life.

Even in affairs of the heart.

I guess I was wrong, I know exactly what I want.