Am I Being Silly?

So...Trump texted me today.

Yes, I was inexplicably happy. I totally zoned out during my intern meeting, completely engrossed in my conversation with him. He was laughing about something that happened to me a few weeks back.

We chatted back and forth. Somehow, I managed not to flood his cell phone with text messages although I had been waiting to hear from him since Thursday night (see! I do live and learn!). We talked about some things. I mentioned that he should come to Atlanta. He said he might in the spring or summer and I said that I would come too -- if we're still friends. To which he responded, "if we're still friends?". Of course, I meant that maybe I will be completely over him by the spring and not interested in his friendship (which is not friendship at all if I am being jerked around emotionally). But I didn't tell him that. I just said that we probably will be friends but I could die or something. Morbid, I know. But he just said "God forbid [you die] and I hope we're still friends, put it like that.

I told you he was emotionally unavailable didn't I? So, that's pretty nice coming from him.

We chatted some more then I did what I was not supposed to do but I think I recovered well. Fifteen minutes after he didn't respond to a text, I sent him another text about a totally different topic. So, clearly I started a conversation with him. He did respond -- albeit he kinda brushed me off at the end with one of his famous, "Oh okay that's whassup." He always says that in a text when he is done talking to me. It fit what I was saying and anyone who hadn't spent the last nine months being blown off by him probably wouldn't have taken the hint (as I didn't sooooo many shameful times). Not this time though. I let that be the last text.

I won't say that I initiated a text or a call because technically I didn't.

And now I am sitting here chewing my lip because it's 10pm on a Monday night and I am pretty sure he is at home chillin. I could easily call him. But I am not supposed to call him.

Am I being silly though? He has initiated contact with me four times since I last contacted him. He has texted me three times and called me once. Isn't that enough? Hasn't he called me contacted me enough times for me to contact him without me (or him) feeling like I'm bugging the crap out of him?

Darn I'm not used to this. If I want something in life, I go after it. If I want to eat something, I get in my car and go get it. If I want to get an A, I study my butt off to get it. If I want to talk to someone, I pick up the phone and call him/her.

I guess what I am learning is delayed gratification. Sure, it would be easy for me to do what I have always done and that is to pick up the phone and call or text him whenever I get the urge. And sure he might talk back and I'll be happy. But what about the times he doesn't respond for hours or even days or just never responded at all?. He used to do that to me all the time. He hasn't done it much lately even before I started this no-contact thing (except during Thanksgiving and one other time I think), but he does still have the capacity to do it. I absolutely, positively, hate that. It's not worth the risk of being humiliatingly ignored. I'm tired of that. So even though I want to so bad, I will not call him. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

I am trying something new.

Besides, I always answer his calls and texts immediately. So, it's not like I'm playing games (I keep feeling the need to say that because my mom insists that I am). I explained to her that it is much too late to play hard to get with Trump. Instead, I am just trying to stay sane.

Right now, I pour everything out into this blog, but soon I'm not even going to do that. He will one day not be such a big deal to me and I will be pleasantly surprised if I do here from him like I am with JMay or any other guy I used to date.

So, I want to call him or text him tonight, but I won't. Besides, even though I have a feeling he would answer and we would have a really good chat that would send me to bed with a smile on my face, that is not my ultimate goal. My ultimate goal is to get with him or over him and me calling or texting him right now will not help me reach that goal.

So, the question is, am I being silly?

Of course not.