One Day

They say I'm too picky. This is not true because with all of my heart, I picked you. I found what I wanted. I found it all in you, but for whatever reason, you weren't feeling me too. But at least I know i'm capable of finding love, in spite of what they say and I will find the one for me...

One day.

Three Weeks Down....

It's been three weeks since I talked to him last and that was text (but for my purposes that still counts). Does he miss me? I wonder. I can't do that though. That's pointless. My twenty-three year old self is over him. Lol. If only that were true. It will be though.

It has to be.

I put so much thought, time and energy into something that was headed nowhere. It makes me sick to even think of it.

Now I have to stop talking about him. I talk about him all the time. I probably mention his name fifteen times a day. I'm not talking tohim but talking about him is counterproductive. He just fits so well into every story I tell. Get a life Alissa. I hate that I wonder if he evvvvver thinks about me.

I never responded to his FB message. Sadly enough it is still sitting in my inbox. I don't have the heart to delete it. Ugh. I need to. I deleted him as a friend though. Is it so wrong to keep his "we're not friends" message in my FB inbox? Yes. It is very wrong. Lol.

I've got to stop talking about this boy. I need a rubberband I can wear around my wrist and snap really hard every time I mention his name.

I'm distracted so this post probably makes no sense. I've just been thinking about him HARD all weekend -- what could've, would've, might've, should've been. I'm wondering where he is, what he is doing and does he care at all?

Sixty day hetox. I'm doing great so far (I haven't contacted him at all!! Wow!). I deserve some sort of medal at this stage...a plaque at least.

Two WHOLE Weeks!!!

It's been two weeks since I talked to him. I'm pretty sure this is the longest we have ever went without talking since we met last year.

Do I miss him?

To say "yes" would be an understatement. Sometimes, I miss him so much it physically hurts. But I have to be strong. I unfriended him on Facebook some time last week (Monday I think) and he sent me a msg Thursday asking "we're not friends anymore". I didn't respond. I wanted to, but I couldn't. At some point, I have to walk away. I can't continue to hold onto someone who isn't holding onto me. I sound like a broken record. But I seriously have to grow up.

I wonder if he misses me. If so, I wouldn't know it. He never calls or texts me. I JUST WANT HIM TO CARE. I want to know that I meant something to him. I feel like I didn't mean anything. Steve Harvey says in his book, that some women are just "sports fish" to men. The men could never see themselves with these women, but they just use them for a sexual fix and that's it. I was Trump's sports fish.

The truth hurts.

Today, I was randomly going through Tanisha's Facebook album and there was a picture of him and her at Easton together. I sware my heart stopped for a moment. They could have just randomly bumped into each other and she took a picture. Not likely. They were probably on a date. Ugh. I'm sick just thinking about it. How many times did we go out? Not often. She's gorgeous though. Way prettier than I am. He probably likes her more than he could ever like me.

This sucks.

But it will pass. I am on the right road now. I was going to text him when I watched Down With Love, but I decided against it. 1,000 points for Alissa!!! LOL.

I turn 23 tomorrow. I gave him all of 22. He gets none of 23. I do wish he would call me on my bday to say happy birthday. Not likely since I'm sure he doesn't know my birthday. *Sigh* Oh well.

Moving right along....