Where Did I Go Wrong?

I wish I could just know what happened.

Someway, somehow I really blew it with Trump. When I was in Atlanta (and even a little in NYC), we used to talk all the time. Now, it seems that I'm back in Ohio and we never talk.

Maybe he figured out that I am crazy about him and I cant control my sporadic emotions (one day I hate him, the next day I love him -- but really I just love him period).

I figured out that I might have an addiction to him and right now I am just going through withdrawals as I break myself off him cold turkey. Doesn't he like me? I am so devatstaed that he never calls me or texts me. I wrote him another one of my LONG Facebook messages about us being friends and seeing how he felt about it. Then I deactivated Facebook. So, I don't know if he was going to respond or if he will ever respond. I shouldn't care cause I am supposed to be breaking myself of him, but I do care. I care SO MUCH.

I didn't ask him about the baby. I should have. That was selfish. I care about his life though, more than he can even imagine. I don't know why I didn't ask about his baby and how he the new father thing is doing.

I guess I should give him his space. Maybe he is trying to work things out with Rachel. Maybe his heart has changed since the baby came along. Tai's heart did. Trump is a grown man too, he's not a child so maybe he is re-thinking his decisions.

I need to rid myself of him. Every time my phone beeps (text message or email) and every time it rings, I find myself holding my breath wishing...hoping it is him. It never is.

I have to let this go. I just wish I knew where I went wrong. Maybe he was never attracted to me. Maybe he just used me cause I'm easy to him. Maybe he could never see himself with a girl like me. Maybe I talk too fast and I'm not cute enough for his taste. Maybe I don't have a good enough body or my voice is too deep. Maybe he thinks I'm a know-it-all.

He thinks something because if he didn't, he would surely call me and want to talk to me and want to be with me. Every other guy does. What is his problem? We should have never had sex. I'm never hacing sex with anyone else EVER again until my wedding night.

I'm not even getting heavily involved with guys. I don't understand why God won't just deliver me of my addiction to Trump or at least make him like me a little bit. What's the problem? What is my problem? Why can't I just chalk it up and move on?