It's A Boy

Trump had his baby yesterday.

Less than a MONTH after he told me Rachel was pregnant, their 8-pounds, 9oz 21-inch baby was born. I texted him (I know, I'm weak!!!) last night because I was going to Columbus. He texted me back and we chatted for a few minutes before I asked him if he was coming to Columbus. He said, "No I'm not goin out tonight, cus im at the hospital. I'm a dad! lol."

I think someone slammed me in the head with a ton of bricks. It's hard to tell though because nothing could have possibly hit me harder than that text message. I sat there in shock for a moment then said congratulations and all that. I was really happy for him. Then I started crying. I mean, sobbing, bawling...the whole thing.

I knew it was coming. I just didn't expect it to be so soon and I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. It was as if it was finally over between us. Finally.

I called my mom and, like always, she made me feel better. She told me, "You shouldn't feel bad for liking him and wanting to be with him. He made the bad choice, not you. You two could've been great together and he made his own bad decisions. It's not your fault." And then Shanae said, "You may be sad right now, but you made out the best in this situation. Sure, you're feelings are hurt but you'll get over it and at the end of the day, he is stuck with a baby by a girl he doesn't love and she is stuck with a baby by a guy who doesn't love her." And that was true too. I love my friends.

I do feel like Trump liked me at one point. I mean, part of me feels like I don't even know him at all. The other part of me feels like he really did care about me at some point and we could've been great together. But now he has her and his son and I don't fit anywhere in that picture so I have to go my own way.

It's just so unfortunate. Part of me wants to be there for him every day but I am not going to pressure him to be in a friendship or relationship with me that he doesn't want to be in. That's not my style.

I am devastated. Beyond brokenhearted. Disappointed. Every sad feeling imaginable. But this is the final nail in the coffin. I *must* move on from here. I have no choice. I'll find someone else someday. It's just hard because I feel like I never meet guys I like or guys who like me. I will though. One day.