Already Gone

What was I thinking? There will never be an answer to that question. There is an answer to what I am thinking now and I am thinking that I am d-o-n-e. Finished. This has been going on for way too long and I completely and totally letting it go. I wanted things to turn out different, but they didn't so I must walk away. Forget walking away. I'm already gone.

I read something today that said: Whenever there is any conflict between what a man says and what he does, always, always ignore what he says. (c) Jeff Mac "Manslations"

Well, if that is the case how much does he hate me? Let me count the ways....
He barely ever calls/texts me, he kissed Melissa, he got Rachel pregnant and kept it a secret for eight months, he took me out on two dates, he ignored me, never acknowledged my feelings, never cared about me one bit, he never opened up emotionally to me once.

Was this ever good? In my head it must've been. I never want to see him again. I don't want to run into him. I don't want him in my life in any way, shape or form. He has destroyed me. I feel like someone took a sledgehammer and bashed me repeatedly in the head, stomach and heart over and over and over again without the slightest remorse. What do I have to show for everything? Hurt, heatbreak.

I'm a broken record.

What was I thinking? When the person who treats me worse than anyone else in the world tells me that I deserve better, that is a MAJOR problem. I do deserve better. I'm better off alone. I am going to come out of the other side of this stronger than I have ever been. This will all be a memory. It's over. It's past time to walk away. In fact....

I'm already gone...