Happy Anniversary

Oh what a year may bring
If I could go back would I change anything?
Of course I would I would change it all
I would have never met you
And would have never let myself fall
Because what did I gain?
What did I lose?
Nothing, and everything
So which would you choose?

How much have I written about this? How many tears have I cried? How many people have I overanalyzed and wondered why why why? And for you it all means nothing and I guess thats what hurts the most. It hurts the most that here I am devastated over someone who probably hasn't thought about me in a week. How can something mean sooooo much to me and yet mean nothing at all to him? It's a year later and what do I have to show for it? Pages and pages and pages and pages of diary, poetry, rants and etc. But no love. Nothing. Nothing to show for all that work I put it. Nothing but heartbreak. And here he is at the end of the DAMN day holding a baby by his longtime girlfriend. Really?

My life has went downhill since I met him. I am a totally different person than the girl he met. The girl he met was strong and Miss-I-Don't-Do-That. Yet I bowed so easily with him. I second guessed myself and everything I believed in because of him. And he doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. What did I think was going on? Did I think it was because I didn't drink or have sex and thats why he didn't want to be with me? Of course not. He just didn't want to be with me period. I let him use me. I got nothing. Barely even a compliment. He remained emotionally shut down for this entire year. And I gave everything. Everything imaginable. And I got nothing but a broken heart.

Happy Anniversary.