Letter to Him

Dear Trump,

I guess I should start off by telling you that I lied. I lied about not believing in unrequited love. Because I am definitely in love with you – and I know the feelings aren’t mutual. I run the risk of sounding insecure, desperate, and needy (and I am none of those things), but I want to know why. I want to know why you don’t feel the same way about me. I want to know what you’re looking for that I don’t have. I’m pretty. I’m smart. I have standards. I like you a lot. I know I’m not a perfect 10, but I know that I could love you perfectly.

I have tried everything imaginable to get you to like me. From ignoring you to having sex with you. Nothing at all has ever worked and I don’t understand why. I don’t understand what you want or what you’re looking for, but apparently I don’t have that. I love you. I love your hair, your eyebrows, your voice, your walk, the space between your shoulders. I love your condo, your chair (with the O State blanket). I love your kitchen and your truck. I love your phone and your soft headboard (lol). I love your long sleeved shirts and the fact that you have two televisions in your living room. I love your phone number. I love the way you say my name Aliisssssa. LOL. I love every little thing about you. Even the parts of you that any sane girl would hate (ie. your womanizing ways lol). I think that everything about you is wonderful. Well almost everything

I hate that you don’t feel the same way about me. I hate that you don’t think about me and want to call me and visit me and be with me. I hate how you make me feel ugly, insecure and stupid. I hate that you won’t even give me a chance to be your girlfriend. I know that’s my own fault for getting involved with a man like you. But YOU KNOW WHAT, I got involved. I fell. Hard as ever and I am just hanging on for dear life hoping that maybe one day, maybe you would care and want to be with just me. I long for the day when you take me in your arms and kiss me unsolicited and say, “Alissa, I love you.” and mean it. That would mean the world to me.

Will I find another guy like you? Maybe, hopefully. But I can’t see that happening because you are the epitome of what I want in a man – except I do wish you were a Christian like me. But, I love you, I love you and I love you. I hate that you seem to not really care about me. You jerk me around like a crazy person. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe it’s my own hope that keeps me hanging on. Maybe you don’t encourage me at all. Doubtful. You talked to me all night on the phone TWICE. Who can you talk to that way? For that long? No one right? What is wrong with me that you don’t want to be with me?

I hate when you compliment me because it seems so insincere. Every time you say how great I am, I want to scream: THEN WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME? That’s my major question. If I am so smart and together and have swag or whatever, then why in the world don’t you want me to be your girlfriend? I cannot and will not ever understand that. You break my heart. And I stick around. I guess a part of me still wants to be there if you ever do come around. But I will be devastated if I wait around and you never show up. I need to leave you alone. I seriously do. This is a fantasy that is never going to happen. Right? What do you feel? Could you please tell me? Do you feel anything at all? Do you want to be with me at all? Is there any part of you that likes me a lot? Could you love me one day?

I’ve cried over you, I’ve written about you, I’ve thought about you, I’ve talked about you. All till I am blue in the face. I’m borderline obsessed with you. Your not loving me drives me insane!!! I want to jump up and down screaming: pick me! Pick me! When you settle down, pick me!!! I’m right here!

You would make me the happiest woman in the world and I would try my best to make you the happiest man. But if I don’t have a chance with you, then please, allow me to get over you and LEAVE ME ALONE. Thanks

Alissa

November 21, 2008